Bummed

It's another one of those days.

I'm depressed. It's getting harder and harder to stay optimistic. I'll feel okay with things then something new will pop into my head, something stressful, and I'll get worried again. I tossed and turned for hours last night and that's unusual for me. I normally sleep like a rock.

I applied for a certain job in early March. Three weeks later, someone with the HR department of this company called about my application. I called back using the relay system and got her voice mail. I left our number (our meaning my husband's cell phone number, which we use as our home phone) and my email address. She called again, hubby let me know, and I promptly tried to call back. Voice mail!

This ridiculous phone tag ring-around-the-rosie went on for a week before I gave up. In my messages, I stated I preferred email but I guess she never got the idea.

To my surprise, the same woman called a couple days ago. I called back (voice mail!) and this time, only left my email address. She wrote a few hours later and asked some questions. I responded and yesterday morning, she asked when I could come in for an interview. I told her I was free anytime next week, would Monday morning work for you? Blah blah. She hasn't responded since.

I have my doubts about this whole thing. I'm at the bottom of their list; they probably went through a dozen candidates before reaching my resume. Oh, we'll try her again. She uses the relay system and her resume is so-so but what choice do we have here?

Then if the interview is scheduled, I'll put on my suit, put my hair up, and follow every single interview rule to the 'T' as usual. But also as usual, it won't do any good. "Do we really want to hire her? I mean, what if she turns out to be a pain in the ass because she can't hear?" they'll ask themselves after I leave. They'll confer for a few moments before coming to a decision.

My thank-you email is unacknowledged. Days go by without a word. Weeks and it's just tumbleweeds. I finally call, get voice mail. Email, no response. Same old bullshit.

Limerick's boyfriend's owner is opening a punk clothing store in Naperville. Since my non-barn, casual style leans that way (well, I guess all the tattoos do it, too. She caught a glimpse of my half-sleeve on a warm day a few weeks ago), she asked if I know anyone who can model for photographs for her store (what, I'm too ugly? I thought but kept to myself). Sure, yup. I asked a few people. They agree. I ask Lim's boyfriend's owner when and where. Sometime Sunday? She isn't sure. Please let me know soon, I'm thinking. It's not fair for me to command people I don't know that well to come out to Naperville one hour before the photo shoot is scheduled.

I'm going to fail at this, just like I fail at everything else.

On the bright side, I did go on a trail ride today--not on Limerick, but a cute little Arab gelding at a friend's house. That was two hours out of the day that I wasn't stressing about life. Ahh, horses, what would I do without them?