Friday, September 26, 2008

A move?

It has been three weeks and a day since Limerick got kicked. She is still lame at the trot. I’ve decided to have a vet take a look at her. However, due to the issues I’ve been having with my vet’s new secretary (not to mention the enormous bills that always follow in her wake), I may use someone else.

Last night I hand-walked Lim in the indoor arena. She probably doesn’t need it but I felt like spending some time alone with her. As it gets darker earlier, there are less people at the barn in the evening.

At one point, she heard something outside. She stopped and stood still. Head high, ears forward, nostrils flared—it was a classic Limerick pose, one I had been swayed by countless times. But this time, as I admired her, my throat locked up and waves of water overtook my vision.

Sometimes life is too much. Sometimes you have the shit piled on and on and on until you can’t take any more—not just little things, but big things, too. And when your one true salvation from the harshness of life is hurting and you’re helpless to stop it, it’s enough to push you over the edge.

I worry about the day that Limerick needs to be declared pasture-sound only and retired from riding. I don’t feel like she is ready for this but the day may be closer than I believe. I have spent far more weeks out of the saddle than in it this year and I’m not sure if that trend will reverse itself next year.

Meanwhile, board is expensive. I am not happy with how the stable is managed. I am not happy with how my apartment is managed. It is all so expensive. Why are we staying here? My husband wants to find a new job. My job is quite close.

I have been told about a stable in Minooka. It sounds wonderful. I’m guessing that apartments in Minooka are much cheaper, and according to Google Maps, Minooka is a 38-minute drive away from where I work. Granted, it’s probably more like an hour with the traffic but I can do it—I’ve done it before.

Oh but what of my poor old car, my Sonja? At least I’d be able to afford a new car if the commute accelerates (no pun intended) her aging.

Another option is to rent horse property. But we’ll see, we have a few months yet before our current lease expires.

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