No shows this year, obviously.

I realized the other day that although I was so sure I would show Lim this year, it never happened. I was either not riding because she was being insane, or I was too busy mourning the death of my marathon plans, or this, or that.

I never got serious about it!

It's a shame but not a big deal. Limerick is physically and mentally younger than her 18 years. Her fitness doesn't spring back instantly as it once did but at the same time, I am confident that she could win just about any Green As Grass class at any time, providing she behaves.

She's a push-button horse to ride. She collects automatically, many times on her own accord. She quickly remembers leg yields and circles and serpentines. In short, there's always next year or the year after that.

By the end of 2008, after first seeing her rebound from arthritis and pedal osteitis, then thinking I was going to lose her--first as a companion, then as a riding horse--I was in a hurry to show her. I thought there was no better way to celebrate our return to riding than by riding in a show. But in the end, it wasn't necessary.

On the swollen udder/pseudopregnancy front, I am still awaiting Lim's return to estrus. The first, or worst, of the signs will probably peak just as my in-laws are visiting her this weekend.

"Is Limerick always so talkative and excitable? And my, she has a weak bladder!"

"Oh, uh, heh heh..."

The strangest chapter yet.

I’ve arrived at one of the most unusual chapters of my history with Limerick.

Sometime in March, in the middle of Lim’s intense case of the spring crazies, as I groomed her I noticed her udder was a bit puffy. Since the swelling was mild and uniform, and Limerick is the type of mare that will kick your head off if you casually reach down and manhandle her udder, I decided to just keep an eye on it.

Over the next several months the swelling held steady. It intensified in late May but I was not ready to call the vet…yet. Lim was showing no signs of illness or soreness and the swelling continued to be uniform. No alarm bells were going off in my head.

Then one day in early June I noticed the udder was more swollen than ever. Now I was starting to worry a bit.

I asked a fellow boarder about it and she said it was odd. I even peeked at the udders of a couple other mares to make sure I wasn’t just “seeing” things with Lim’s udder. The teats of these mares were so tiny I could hardly find them. The vet that gave vaccinations at the barn happened to be there and I asked him to take a look at Limerick’s udder.

Several violent kicks and one very angry mare later, the vet showed me his hand—it was covered in clear liquid.

I made an appointment with my own vet. In the meantime, not being one to sit on my hands, I began Googling and looking up past articles on The Horse about mammary swelling in non-pregnant mares. According to my research, the most common cause of such swelling was an infection. However, an infection often included lopsided swelling, fever, pus or gray/chunky discharge, and lameness. Lim had none of these symptoms.

I asked a vet friend what it could be and she gave me some possibilities. I also asked a woman with more mare udder experience than I could ever have in a hundred lifetimes about what it could be. She said that sometimes infections have no clear symptoms other than swelling.

I ran through a list of possible causes.

Infection? See above.

Ovarian cysts or tumors? Ehh…these will make a mare extremely irritable or even aggressive, and Lim had been unusually sweet in the past months. In fact she was so sweet that she let me hug and cuddle her much more than she typically allowed—and she always liked it!

Allergy or trauma to the area? Due to the very slow growth of the swelling and lack of hives or lameness or other more obvious symptoms, this was seriously doubtful.

Mammary tumor? This one scared me. From what I read, while very rare, mammary tumors were almost always fatal. Symptoms were often confused with those of an infection early on, and included swelling and clear discharge.

The fact that Lim had not gone into heat since April also came to mind, as well as the knowledge that Lim’s “boyfriend” Nick mounted her in the early spring. He was busted doing this to other mares so of course he’d do it to his top girl!

During the vet visit, my vet was not in the least concerned which reassured me…a bit. Like me, she was doubtful that Limerick had an infection. She thought it could be “some kind of hormone issue” and injected Lim with progesterone and estrogen. She was also doubtful that the udder was due to an allergy but since the start of the swelling was around the time the barn switched from shavings to corn cob stall bedding, she gave me a bottle of hydroxyzine capsules to give Lim.

Two weeks later there was no change, other than Lim displaying very brief and weak heat symptoms a couple days after the injections (I would later learn this was from the estrogen injection).

I asked that she get a culture of the discharge so we could see what exactly was in there. She also drew blood to make sure everything was okay with that. The blood came back fine and the culture wasn’t bad, although it had a small population of bacteria that could be causing a problem. My vet prescribed Lim SMZ’s for an undetermined time—10 tablets twice a day.

Two weeks later they had done absolutely nil—in fact, her udder seemed a tad more swollen. I felt it was time for another opinion. My farrier recommended an equine reproductive specialist and I made an appointment with him.

This is where it gets interesting….

Lim was sedated and I positioned her for a transrectal examination and ultrasound (non-horse people: a mare’s reproductive organs are best felt through her butt. Fortunately the same doesn’t apply for humans…). The vet had his arm in there for some time. Finally, he pulled his arm out and said, “Something isn’t right.”

Now, I would usually freak out if a vet says “something isn’t right” but you know what? I got the impression that nothing was bad, just unusual. So, my curiosity at levels greater than ever, I waited.

The vet passed the ultrasound wand over Lim’s ovaries. The left one was just sitting there, doing nothing special. The right one had a white mass over it. The vet did not comment (but I would later find out that this was a corpus luteum). He passed the ultrasound wand over Lim’s uterus. Or at least, where it should be.

After a couple silent minutes he withdrew the wand. “I can’t find her uterus,” he said. “Are there any stallions on the property? It is possible she is pregnant.” What?! He explained that her uterus may be forward and down, in the pregnancy position. He said that the uterus is usually positioned in a semi-circle behind the ovaries and feels like a tubular muscle much like your forearm. Yet he did not feel or see this.

He applied more lube to the long plastic glove covering his hand and arm, and put his arm back in Lim’s butt.

Finally, he found her uterus. It was where it was supposed to be, by the ovaries, but rather than feeling like a muscle, it was thin and papery. He retrieved the ultrasound wand and passed it over her uterus again. This time he found it. The ultrasound confirmed the texture of the uterus and also revealed two harmless (and common) cysts in it.

After some discussion with the vet it was decided that since Limerick appeared to be displaying signs of false pregnancy (swollen udder, stretched-out, flaccid uterus, corpus luteum, lack of heat cycles), he would give her a shot of Estrumate, which jump-starts the mare’s hormonal cycle.

He also reviewed the results of the blood and culture tests my usual vet ran and noted that the small population of bacteria that could be causing issues was resistant to SMZs. But you know what? My vet did not clean Lim’s udder before collecting the discharge for culture, while the reproductive specialist took care to clean her udder very well before collecting discharge for his own viewing purposes. So the results of the culture could be meaningless, after all.

I was shocked, relieved, and fascinated beyond belief. I started this appointment expectant with the unknown (would he find a tumor? Confirm the infection? What?) and walked away with a tentative, rare diagnosis.

How Lim reacted to the Estrumate injection—and a follow-up visit—would confirm the diagnosis. Did I want the specialist to come back? You bet!

Two days after the Estrumate injection, as I groomed Limerick, I noticed drops of pure white liquid coming out of her udder. Wow! The stuff wasn’t clearish-white, or whitish-clear—it was definitely white. I emailed the specialist about this and he said the Estrumate would force her body into a “labor/delivery” stage, and lactation occurs when a mare (any mammal, really) delivers a baby. So the white stuff was witch’s milk.

Exactly one week after the Estrumate injection, the specialist was back to being shoulder-deep in a sedated Lim’s butt. The examination revealed her uterus had sprung back to normal, which the ultrasound confirmed. The ultrasound also showed that in place of the corpus luteum on her right ovary was a 40mm follicle—she was ovulating (but I didn’t need an ultrasound to tell me that, oh no…). The uterine cysts were still there but unchanged.

The diagnosis of false pregnancy was confirmed!

I asked the vet why this had occurred. I knew from my recent research that this typically only happens when a pregnant mare loses her embryo and the brain does not receive notification of the loss. He said maybe, just maybe, her body mis-interpreted the uterine cysts as an embryo. Personally I also think the extreme swing of her hormones in early spring, along with her boyfriend mounting her, contributed to the whole thing.

I’ve always thought Lim was special, in so many ways….now she’s practically a textbook miracle!

Now I just need to watch and see if she comes back into heat in a couple weeks. As for her udder…it is expected to remain swollen for some months, but will go down eventually.

Honest Scrap

When you receive The Honest Scrap award you must stick to some rules:
Recognize your award presenter and link back to their blog in your post.
List 10 honest things about yourself that others might not now.
Present this award to 10 admirable bloggers and link to their blogs.
Leave a comment on your recipients' blogs to let them know to visit your post to retrieve their award.

Thanks to Cathryn for the Honest Scrap award!

10 honest scraps about me that you may not know:

1. I spend a good chunk of any extra money I come across on more tattoos.

2. I *love* horror movies and watch them whenever I get a chance. From classics to laughably bad cheesefests, I love them all!

3. To save time, I sometimes go on runs from the barn and back (I head to the trails across the street).

4. I love the city and the country but hate the suburbs.

5. I seriously considered moving to New Orleans at one time.

6. I sometimes get the impression that people think I'm a snob. I'm not--not at all. I'm just shy. Or I didn't hear you.

7. I read whenever I can--magazines, books, newspapers, the backs of cereal boxes.

8. I often feel like I don't have enough time to do everything. As a result I need to pare down my life to what matters--my animals and husband, working out, my job, and sleep.

9. For the above reason, I often have oatmeal for dinner--it's quick and easy to make! (I have a big lunch to make up for it)

10. And once again, for the above reasons I rarely watch TV. However, I always try to make time for Ghosthunters, Intervention, and Obsessed (the latter makes me feel better about my own neurotics!). And I never miss True Blood.

And now time to pass my award on to 10 other bloggers....okay, 9.

Fugly Horse of the Day

The Great Fitness Experiment

Equine ER

Clinton Lake Ultra

A Trail Runner's Blog

Dirt Diva

Riding the Wind

The Jockey - Arlington Park Live

Running off Road

Another day, another floating!

Limerick officially had her fourth floating in 12 months the other day. When her teeth were last done in February, Ron Chenoweth declared her mouth a mess and stated he would need to return over the summer. Fine.

However, Lim continued to have occasional issues with chewing dry grain. She no longer dribbled it but would sometimes stop and make a yawning face, her eyes rolling about within their sockets, as if something had become stuck in her mouth. And of course, the mouthful of partially-chewed grain would drop out of her mouth. I found that wetting the grain seemed to halt this problem.

But of course, it doesn't cure the problem, does it? I always felt so helpless when she made those faces. There was nothing I could do at that moment to make it better for her, and it wrenched my heart.

After a friend abruptly lost her mare to severe colic, I was more motivated than ever to have Lim's teeth fixed for once and for all. Last week I sent out a mass email to my fellow boarders asking if anyone else was interested in an appointment with Chenoweth. A boarder responded that she was having Lance Rubin do her horse's teeth on the 24th, and was I interested? Yeah! As I found out shortly, he had a great reputation. More opinions never hurt in a case like this.

Long story short, he said that while her individual molars were in good shape from February's floating, the rows of molars did not line up. Horses chew from side to side and if the rows of molars are not aligned properly with each other, instead of going over each other as the horse chews, they will bump together and prevent proper chewing. Ah ha! A light bulb went off in my head.

Chenoweth and my vet had said nothing about this; they had only spoken of the individual teeth in her mouth, of hooks and waves and slopes and ramps.

Hopefully Lim will have no further problems with chewing dry grain. Due to the heat I have been continuing to wet her grain (more water is always better at times like this) but once it cools down I will give her dry grain and see what happens. Fingers crossed!

Have you hugged your horse today?

If you haven't, then do it now. If you can't do it now, then do it as soon as you can.

Sometimes those which we hold closest to our hearts slip away before we are ready, at times we least expect. As horse owners, we know this can be particularly true with the strong yet fragile animals we love and admire so much.

Last year, my life with Lim was strewn with land mines. This year it has been blissfully quiet but if 2008 has taught me anything, it's to prepare for the unexpected.

Have you hugged your horse yet?

This post is dedicated to Lily Filly.

A lesson in equestrian safety.

Growing up riding at a hunter/jumper schooling barn, safety was firmly entrenched in my early lessons with horses. Some safety rules were directly taught. Some were listed on large signs. And others were unspoken yet always followed.

Be cautious around strange horses, especially when approaching from behind.

Travel the same way in the arena, or pass left shoulder to left shoulder.

Horses and riders having lessons had the right of way.

Lunge only when you had the space and permission.

When hacking while other people were jumping, always pay close attention and stay out of their way.

And the list went on.

One of the most important rules was the helmet rule. All the kids and jumpers (and most definitely the jumping kids!) had to wear riding helmets, no matter what. (Never mind that my early riding helmets were velveteen show pieces rather than safety helmets--once we knew better, the switch was easy).

I never questioned why I had to wear a helmet. I just did it. I never broke the habit--I can perhaps count on one hand the number of times I have ridden without a helmet. And I assure you, each of those rides was during the cool-down phase of a very long, very hot ride, with a very tired horse beneath me. Even then, fearing it was possible to fall and split my skull open as my sweaty horse moseyed along at a slug's pace, I would dismount after only a couple minutes. If I was really so hot that I couldn't stand to wear a helmet, then I wanted to be on the ground, not a horse.

The older I become and the more I read (a moving firsthand account in a recent issue of Equus comes to mind), see, and personally experience regarding equestrian safety, the more firm I am with my stance on wearing helmets. No matter what excuse you have, it's just not worth it to risk becoming a drooling, pooping vegetable that your loved ones need to change diapers for and hand-feed daily for as long as you live...if you can call that living.

Of course, while it's important to do everything you can to ensure the safety of your horse and yourself during rides, you need to also play a part in keeping things safe for fellow equestrians.

On Wednesday I saw a gross display that neglected both basic rules. The girl was a teen and mounted her tall, athletic gray without a helmet. I was riding Lim in the outdoor arena and was happy to have the company of another horse. Limerick had been behaving pretty well but was having some of her Ohmygosh what's happening over there?! moments. There had been no spooking but I had to work hard to keep everything easygoing and calm for the both of us.

The teenage girl on the gray promptly began to trot. I rode Lim at a collected sitting trot, mulling over in my head whether I should ask for the canter or not. My heart told me yes but my gut told me to wait a few moments. I'm glad I listened to it.

The girl asked her gray to canter after three minutes of trotting. She egged him on faster and faster. There was a ditch in the path along the rail on the western edge of the arena. Lim had to be cautious when trotting over it and, had we cantered, I was planning to go around the ditch.

The girl had her horse hand gallop over this ditch again and again, lap by lap, and I expected her horse to stumble at any time (in fact, he did once but quickly recovered himself). I knew that if he went down at that speed, her bare head would suffer severe damage on the hard arena footing.

She went faster and faster, leaning onto her horse's neck to encourage him to speed up. By this time I was resigned to walking Lim in the center of the arena; if I went anywhere near the rail we would be plowed into by the speeding gray. Lim began to get riled up. She started to dance and tense up and I knew that within seconds she would be running alongside the gray--hell, she would be passing him--totally out of control.

I am a quiet person and tend to keep to myself, but if I need to speak up then I never hesitate to do so. Now was one of those moments.

"SLOW DOWN!!!!" I yelled at the girl as she galloped by again, Lim grabbing at the bit and jumping forward beneath me. I can't always tell if my voice is loud enough to be heard but in this case, I had no doubt. The girl immediately pulled her blowing horse down to a walk. I half expected her to throw some angry words my way but she ignored me.

A hand gallop on a controlled horse is always fun. I hand galloped Lim in the same arena several times last year and loved every second of it. But I never did it with an unsuspecting equestrian in the arena with me. If I wanted to hand gallop and was with someone else, I would first ask them if a faster gait was acceptable.

And of course, I never, ever did it without a helmet. My barn is not known for excellent arena footing and a stumble was a very real possibility. That said, even if the footing was the smoothest, most perfect stretch of grass to ever exist, I would have my helmet securely on my head.

Like seat belts, helmets are ultimately a personal choice. If you ride with me without a helmet, I will not say a single word. But if you ride with me and disrespect the safety boundaries of my horse and I, then I will make sure you know it.

No one should be afraid to speak up for their own safety. If a deaf girl can do it, then so can you!

A Sunday ride

For the first time since January, and just when I needed it most, Limerick presented me with a wonderful, calm ride on Sunday.

I did not ride her at all in April; instead, I did some ground work, hand-grazed her, and just hung out with her. I desperately wanted to ride but it just wasn't right. I am an anxious person, with a mind that can fixate on issues--real or perceived--and blow them out of proportion. Unfortunately, Lim is also the same way. If I am already stressed or anxious about other issues in my life, I can't help but carry these issues with me when I ride.

And of course, Lim will pick up on my anxiety and adopt it as her own. Or she will become fascinated with or unnerved by outside influences that she would have ignored a year ago. Thus begins a vicious cycle that we cannot escape from--she will become anxious, I will become anxious about her anxiety, and so forth so on.

Three weeks ago I had a lesson of sorts with Mary, an life-long horsewoman and fellow boarder. The goal of the lesson was not to learn or polish riding techniques, but to work on relaxing within the saddle. Mary first asked me if I was familiar with yoga.

Why yes, I practice it a few times a week, I thought. I also do sun salutations almost every morning. Then before she explained, I understood what I had to do.

Mary had me sit straight and deep and breathe, drawing air deep within my lungs. She explained that when she is tense, she sometimes holds her breath. I do, too. Who knows why--perhaps it's a leftover defense tactic from ancient man--he who breathed as he hid got eaten by the saber-toothed tiger.

Mary also told me that I had to ignore whatever Lim was hearing or looking at. She said that when Lim paid particular attention to something, my own attention would also become riveted upon whatever she was looking at or hearing. Then in turn, I would become curious and worried about whatever was happening.

"It's like you guys want to skip riding and just go out together and see what's going on!" she said. Oh so true.

Long story short, Lim was not exactly well-behaved during the lesson but, unlike what I expected, she did not spook or shy. Every time she began to stare and mentally get worked up over some small issue or the other, I would breathe deep and do my best to divert her attention with small circles and serpentines. For the first time since January, we successfully walked, trotted, and cantered without incident. I was thrilled but still a bit concerned about Lim's behavior during the lesson.

At least I had some new tools--or should I say, re-discovered some discarded tools I had long forgotten--to use with her.

Sunday was gorgeous. It was in the mid-70's and perfectly clear with nary a single breeze in the air. How could I not try to ride outside? Limerick was perfect from the first step. While energetic and motivated, she paid no attention to activities happening outside the arena. At one point early in the ride, another boarder put her horse in the round pen next to the outdoor arena. She then grabbed a lunge whip and went into the pen with her horse.

Oh no, she's going to wave that around and make her horse run, then Lim will be startled, then I'll get nervous, then Lim will get nervous...

Like a runaway horse, my brain was off. The woman flicked the whip at her horse. I held my breath and gathered up the reins to prepare for the inevitable.

But you know what? I realized Limerick was strolling along calmly beneath me, not a care in the world. I let the reins out again. She reacted by putting her head down lower. I realized I was holding my breath and let it out slowly, then inhaled deeply.

It was going to be alright.